Aging Spiritually: Memories-- Preparing for Your Funeral
“I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.”
—
This week I led a memorial reception. It was the first time I have participated in an event like that. The man we were remembering had requested that instead of a formal service he wanted his family and friends to get together for a reception to tell stories and remember how he shared life with each of them. It was a wonderful time of remembrance.
I believe it is important to hold some kind of an event specifically for the purpose of remembering the life of every person. In my roles as Pastor and Chaplain, those events typically are a funeral or memorial service. In 40 years of ministry, I have led many funerals and memorials. There are some things I always like to include.
Frame the service as an act of worship by the gathered community of family and friends. Life is a gift of God, for which we offer our thanks and praise. We call upon the comforting presence of God’s Spirit in our grief and loss. We remind each other of the Christian hope of eternal life. Our presence with one another reminds us that life is relational – grief that is shared is more easily carried.
Involve the congregation in the act of worship through singing a hymn or joining together in repeating the Lord’s Prayer. This is a participatory event of the community. Some traditions include the Eucharist (or Communion) as an expression of thanksgiving for the salvation of Christ.
Remember and honor the life that was lived. If the deceased was a person of faith, frame their life in the context of their faith. Tell the facts and stories of life, and find meaning in it all. Note how God’s presence was made known in significant moments. How did the events of this life lead to challenge or growth? How did this life touch the lives of others? What did this life mean to others?
Look for a way to laugh – especially in times of tragedy, find the blessing and healing of laughing together.
Recognize the story of this life as a microcosm of God’s great story of life and salvation.
By remembering someone’s life in this way, we are led to find meaning in our own lives, helping us to prepare for our own memorial. In one of my favorite quotes of the great writer and preacher Frederick Buechner, he said,
“Listen to your life. See it for the fathomless mystery that it is. In the boredom and pain of it no less than in the excitement and gladness: touch, taste, smell your way to the holy and hidden heart of it because in the last analysis all moments are key moments, and life itself is grace.”
Practice
Have you ever thought of what you want your funeral or memorial to be like? There are some basic decisions that will need to be made. Do you want a burial or cremation? Where do you want your remains to be buried? Do you want a funeral (with the body present), or a memorial (without the body)?
If you want a service, who do you want to speak? Always suggest alternatives if your first choice is not available. What scriptures do you find meaningful and would like to include? What hymns or other music would you like to include?
Write it down. Put all this on paper. Give the paper to a trusted family member, and to your pastor or faith leader. Keep a copy stored where it can be easily found, and tell a close family member or friend where to find it.
Then relax. As a dear church member once told me (with a wink) after I led afuneral, “Greg, everyone’s a saint at their own funeral.” I replied, “Yes, and I will make sure you are remembered as a saint as well.” I kept my promise.
Greg Smith
Legacy Ministry for Older Adults